you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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