the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
