so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
