he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
