my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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