I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
