I CAN MOONWALK!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
