first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
