i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
