living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
