Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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