do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
