Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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