i came on her dog
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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