I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize