we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
