Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
