I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
