Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
