I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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