I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
