If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
