If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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