i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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