At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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