Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
