Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
