Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
