Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
