He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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