do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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