so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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