Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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