i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bang-toberfest begins!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
