she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
