his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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