so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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