he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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