If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
