Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
