we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
