Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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