just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
