haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
