Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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