If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
