We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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