the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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