5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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