when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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