I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
