It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
