Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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