I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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