You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
