i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
