im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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