So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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