U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
