For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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