I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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