My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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