White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
