She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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