dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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