hell yes lets make some ravioli
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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