I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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