all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize