My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
