She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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