I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
