feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
