Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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