You work out of a Hotel?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
