We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
