I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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