Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
