; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
