am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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